Access pleasurable feelings on demand.
In my current work as a Certified Surgical Technologist, I am excellent at what I do. Oh yes, I said it. Work friends, colleagues, and higher-ups regularly hear me praising myself for a job well done/knowing I excel. Anyone on the outside looking in can easily mistake it for pompous asshole-ness. Some work friends think it’s hilarious. Others just roll their eyes, shake their heads, and say, “Oh, Judy!” The thing is, what others think of me at work truly has no bearing on my feeling for or about myself. Why? Because I believe with every cell of my being that I am exceptional. Warm fuzzies? Absolutely!
In contrast, let’s sneak a peek at an area in which (until 2 weeks ago) I felt a hot mess: the romantic relationship. Dun, dun, dun! Yep, I’ve been stunted with understanding men and approaching relationships with feminine ease and grace. I had my second 5 year relationship end in November 2012. You read that right — second 5 year relationship. The common denominator? Miss Judy Zaba. What it boils down to is my beliefs about myself regarding men, dating, and romance were (and sometimes still are) total crap. More often than not I’d believe the horrendous lies my mind crafted. I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve a good man. I’m always going to f it up! Waah, waaah, waaaah…do you hear that? Sounds like a violin.
Fast forward a year. Although I am crystal clear about what hasn’t worked I still have to apply and practice this knowledge. The most valuable idea I’ve come to know is that everything circles back to my relationship with self. Do I love me? Am I gentle with me? Do I trust me? Do I forgive me? The answer to all those questions was a resounding hell no in December 2012. Let’s just say you can read all materials and listen to every expert on this planet, but if you forget, refuse to, or just plain don’t practice any self-love skills you’re going to be back at square one. So here I am at square one wondering how I got here, but not really. I know I didn’t continue to practice. I met this guy and all warm fuzzy rituals were toast. It was his turn to show me the love. He needed to produce the warm fuzzies within me. And if not? Well someone else will. Boom! Crash! Kapow! Okay, okay, it wasn’t that dramatic. I’m just a fiery gal! We are still dating, by the way.
My commitment to myself has been renewed. Even though I “backtracked” I am still farther ahead than I was last year. I’ve been very conscious of and candid about my projections onto this man throughout our courtship. With practice, self-forgiveness, and a renewed spirit, I have adjusted most bratty behaviors to minimize and damn near stop the nonsense. The “issues” I’m continuing to see are a reflection of my relationship with me. So what’s a gal to do? I’m returning to me. I’m anchoring in my spiritual and self-love practices. I’m creating and maintaining my own stash of warm fuzzies.
Here’s what you can do to create and keep the warm fuzzies flowing:
1. Hug yourself — Yes I wake up in the a.m. and say “Good morning beautiful!” as I hug myself. It’s insanely cheesy in the beginning, but it becomes a whole other animal after practicing for a bit. I dare you to try it!
2. 10 minute morning meditation — I’ve been in engaging in silent meditation thus far. The thoughts in my mind race at Danica Patrick speeds, but it’s all good. I’m still trying and that’s all I can do each day. 10 minutes a bit much? I hear you. Start with 1 minute a day and tailor your meditation practice to whatever suits you.
3. Admire yourself in the mirror — Okay, so anyone who knows me is laughing hysterically because I check myself out in mirrors any chance I get. But really, this is different. I look deeply into my eyes until I feel a smile creeping across my face, incredible gratitude flowering open my heart, or tears forming at the sight of the true me. I double dare you to try this one.
4. Compliment yourself often/Receive Compliments — Seriously, who doesn’t like compliments? While admiring yourself in the mirror just go ahead and spew sweet nothings to your beautiful self. Can’t think of anything? Start with something like, “I admire your courage for taking a step towards loving me. “ Boom! Done. This goes for accepting compliments too. Just smile and say thank you. I’ve learned that gracefully accepting a compliment creates waves of warm fuzzies versus deflecting.
5. Self-Celebration Journal — Each week I keep a record of events, actions and situations in which I have a personal win. My examples: I write another post for Medium when my mind has been telling me I’m a crappy writer. I post another picture, thought, or quote on my Facebook page when my ego has been insisting I’m lazy and won’t ever be successful as a coach. I talk and act as if I am already an accomplished coach, even when I doubt myself. When that inner grey cloud tries to stop my shine, informing me that I haven’t done enough, I whip out my journal and reflect on the past week. The clouds disappear instantaneously!
These practices support a return to self. The self within that is eternal, complete, safe, now and always. It is very much acceptable to listen to the mind’s fearful stories and lovingly acknowledge those stories. Then, take a courageous stand for self-love and let your mind know you are choosing to believe new thoughts. Choose the new thoughts repeatedly. Seeds are planted with practice. Your flowers will bloom when it’s time, not a moment sooner, nor a moment later. Be gentle with yourselves.
“It is impossible to be hurt except by your own thoughts.” — A Course in Miracles (p. 365)
