I wrote this on 01/01/2022. I trust that this timing, aligned with the beautiful Spring energy, will support those who need this message most.
2021 was an intense, internal, different year over here.
In the Spring of 2021, after feeling the call for several months, I listened and just stopped. I stopped listening to anyone/anything else except my internal guidance. I relaxed and just started being how I was, where I was, moment to moment, regardless of how the mind wanted it to be. I leaned into the inquiries:
- When my life is not about this goal or achievement, who am I?
- Can I be where I am now and feel fulfilled?
- How much money do I really require to live a life I call successful?
I let go of all my ideas of what it looked like to have what I wanted. I stopped chasing life, money, clients, outcomes and told God:
“I’m ready. I’m listening. Pursue me. Open me, and show me what you want for me. Let life come and ravage me how it wants because what I’m doing isn’t working and I’m over it.”
What followed next was wholly unexpected. The list below illustrates just some of the themes that ravaged me for the year:
- ego, identity, personality
- suicide, death
- family, home
- cancer, illness, disease
- love, marriage, partnership
- time, physical reality, spiritual reality
- money, success, integrity, values, wealth
- unity consciousness, community, support
2021’s Wisdom Crash course?
Life keeps coming, and it’s not always a dream that feels good, flowy, warm, or creative. Life can be ruthless, brutal even. Indeed, some things are out of our control, will make zero sense, and will rock our worlds. Doesn’t matter the fuck-ton of spiritual practices and personal development one has done. Life gives every one of us multiple servings of shit sandwiches. No one is exempt; this is the human experience.
Trying to ignore and create on top of this is shaky ground. The foundation of anything is the one thing that matters. Time, death, and reality are ultimate, universal, and complex. These topics consist of fibers and layers woven across multiple concurrent timelines. There will be instances when no answer, explanation, or solution will feel good enough to soothe the human psyche – unless it’s rooted in God.
It Is All God
God is in motion, in everything ALWAYS. Personally, this is a solid foundation I have tested repeatedly. I tried to make this untrue. The results are undeniable: I have superpowers available at my disposal when God/my God-self is the foundation.
In mid-late December, I felt my way through layers and timelines of immense grief and fear of potentially losing a beloved family member. In that vulnerable, surrendered space, it all clicked:
~I am a woman who feels everything intensely, and I get to let it all come through me, keeping my heart, mind, body, and soul wide open to be ravaged by it all.
~I get to keep choosing me WHILE the shit sandwich is bestowed upon me.
~I don’t have to shut off, down, run, or stop moving towards what lights me up.
~I say who I am and if I wish to expand to hold it all, or if I wish to contract.
I’m ready for whatever life wants to give me and keep my heart open through it all. I know there will be times when the pain feels so intense my mind will ask me to shut down and run. My heart has been cracked open to new depths. Beliefs I carry about a lot of shit that just doesn’t fucking matter have been exposed and are lovingly being worked through. I’m here for it all because It Is All God.
2021 you were a bitch, yet you invited and held me as I answered the call to leap from girl to woman.
From the depths of my soul across all timelines: I honor you. I thank you. I love you, and I release you.
